Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Flat Tax Versus The Buxom IRS ...Give It Some Time

Another unpublished old draft from 2009, I just laughed at, and decided needed to be let loose....

So I was a kid in high school and we'd spend time in 'PE' - the short title for my less than favorite class of 'Physical Education'. We were big on short titles. Three letters for three words. We even had three of those three letter TV networks that were short for really long names back then. We used to give people short nick names too like 'PJ' or 'CT' and so on.

So when we were waiting for our turn to play tennis at our PE class, we had to wait for the girls to finish playing first. We were gathered outside the back fence at the court watching skinny Maxine playing buxom Bobbi. Now we happened to be at the same end of the court as buxom Bobbi who happened to have a penchant for low cut V Necks, and as a bunch of teenage boys, we decided we were missing all of the real action while only watching the back of Bobbi, and the front of flat Maxi while Maxi was earning all the points, so we had to move around the side to the end of the net at center court where we could see all the action.

Well its more than 30 years later, and everyone's world has changed. We've all gained a little weight and those girls have had a few offspring, and I have noticed a thing or two about the effects of time on beauty. Given what I know today, I'd have been a lot more enamored with Miss Max if I knew then what I know now.

Whenever I hear reference to a 'Flat Tax' these days, I don't think the word 'flat' has much appeal, until I begin to think about our bountiful IRS - the buxom IRS - that beautiful and benevolent IRS, and those bevy of beautiful benefits that are busting out of it's V Neck, except that with time - our buxom IRS has become a typical civil service 'babe' with a really wide chair, a turtle neck sweater, and all of the bevy has fallen 1-2 feet lower into the bulging belly and butt of a really gross bulbous bag of bad attitude - bitchin' at the world about everything including their job. God alone knows what shes sitting on, but whatever it is - it isn't going to live.

Now in that same period that flat Max has had children which in turn filled her out beautifully, and she has gone on to become the belle of the ball in every way.

The moral of the story is - it may take a few years to really appreciate the well rounded benefits of a flat tax, but I already prefer it to the bulging behemoth that has become the IRS.

Maybe Neal Boortz and John Lander were right to call their proposal the 'Fair Tax'. She may not have a tan yet, but I think I'd prefer the results when the sun sets.

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